Stress is so 2008
I am in a lovely mood today. Despite the yucky weather and the late night I worked, I woke up today with a fresh outlook.
I have the unfortunate habit of stressing myself sick, I will think about one thing that is bothering me and let it absolutely consume me and my thoughts, and 9 times out of 10 I will make myself physically ill. It has long been one of my goals to change this habit and to find different and healthier ways of dealing with my worries. It hasn't been easy, as this has been a life-long pattern of behavior for me, that was reinforced (and continues to be) by my parents. My Dad has been losing his job daily for at least the past 15 years, and my Mom...here's an example of my daily interactions with my Mom over the phone, this was Sunday night:
Mom: Oh, I am so glad you answered! Is everyone okay?
Me: (sitting on my couch with Matty and Louis, in my pajamas, watching Good Will Hunting) What do you mean? We're fine, why, what did you hear?
Mom: I saw on the news that a restaurant's roof caved in on people in Boston and I know you guys like to go out to eat (because, you know, who doesn't Mom?) and I hadn't heard from you yet, and it's getting late (it was maybe 9pm my time, 6pm in Reno).
Me: Yeah, Mom, I saw that on the news, that was in Southie...and no one was even killed, or that hurt, why was that on the news in Reno...whatever...no Mom we're fine? And I am sure that someone would have called you by now if my limbs were blown all over South Boston.
Mom: Well, you know, I just worry.
Dead serious. This is the same woman that would call Dave when we lived together is she hadn't heard from me in 24 hours. I am 26 and have lived 3,000 miles away from her for 44 months. I have lived in a different house from her for 9 years.
When I was little they used to call me a worry wart, I think my Mom may be a worry malignant tumor. But I know, I know, she does it because she loves me. I'll say the same thing when they strap a strap a straight jacket on her when she goes cuckoo bananas after I forget to call her for another 24 hour period.
Stress is what I know, it's what makes me comfortable. If there aren't tangible things to stress about (which is rare) I just make things up. Medical problems - brain tumors, cancer, you name it I've WebMD'd it and been to my doctor for it; relationship problems - my friends are mad at me, Matty thinks I'm mean, Louis thinks I smell; World affairs - the terrorists are going to bomb Fenway, the ice caps are going to melt while I am sleeping and I am going to drown. Yep, me and stress are tight bros.
But today, I decided, I really, really have to give it up. Like a bad habit, I have got to kick my stress habit. I have got to take the advice that I have given my clients, my friends, my family and even strangers to let it go and worry only about the things that I can change, and only worry about them for a small enough period of time that it won't make me lose my mind. It's not going to be easy, but I have got to do it.
I woke up this morning and looked at the crappy weather, thought about the work day ahead and the other things in my life to get done, and I just let them be. The weather is nothing I can change, and work can only get done when I am there, and all those other things will either get done or they won't, and I am lucky enough to have someone to help me out with those daily errands. So here I am, getting things done at work (including the all important blogging), Matty went to the bank for me and is taking care of dinner, my Hello Kitty wellies worked like a champ on my walk to work, and I don't feel like throwing up from having sat here and worried about it all morning! One day down, the rest of my life to go! Fuck you stress - I'm all set!
In other thoughts. I am currently texting with Tiffany and she told me that the Lady Luck Tattoo Expo is the weekend that Matty and I are going to be in Reno so we get to be guest listed and ensured to see a whole lot of people that I want to see while I am out there, including my lovely Tiffany! I am getting stoked for Reno and excited for Matty to see my hometown and meet all my people.
I downloaded a calorie counter onto my iPhone - yes I am trying to lose weight, but I am not being obsessive, it is going to come more through working out than anything, because I love food far too much to be hungry, ever. I just want to get back into good shape before the holiday baking and being in love made me kind of squishy. I have a 50 mile bike ride at the end of September to work towards, and I want to be looking my fine self when Matty and I take our trip to Reno in a couple of months. I also just like to feel good, and eating the right foods does that for me. Whenever I eat a lot of fried and processed foods I just feel like shit - lethargic and grumpy and just an overall gross feeling. So the calorie counter (Lose it!) is a nifty little device to help me track what I am shoveling into my gullet, and how much time I need to bust a move at the gym to make up for it. Matty is back at the gym too, though I know he is going to lose all his "Christmas baking" weight a lot quicker than me (stupid boys and their metabolism) but it's nice to have both of us working together towards a similar goal.
Other than that, I'm just trying to be proactive about my goals - getting finances back on track, being a good friend and girlfriend, working hard and trying to keep on the radar of my bosses, and enjoying the wonderful people and events that I am surrounded by.
I hope your year is off to a good start too!