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This Too Shall Pass

I am literally, figuratively and completely exhausted. The kind of tired where your eyes feel thick and heavy; where you're starving but have no appetite at the same time. The kind of tired where you want to cry but it just seems like it would take too much energy.

I feel like there is so much weight on my shoulders. There are so many things that must get done and I don't know where to start because I don't want to do any of it. I just want to lay down and pretend that everything is done and perfect, but it's not.

I want to get into the holiday spirit; get a tree and play my favorite Louis Armstrong Christmas song with eggnog and bourbon and my little family dancing around while we decorate. I want to think about the surprises I will create for Madeleine this Christmas and in the years to come. I want to create gifts for the people in my life who I love so much.

I need to figure out how to print the adorable thank you cards I had made for Maddie's first birthday; I need to write them out and send them off before people think I am rude and not thankful. I want to write a blog about how wonderful this 12 months has been and how proud I am of everything.

I need to update Maddie's baby book and close out her first year of memories and pictures. Then I need to find a new book to capture this next year of her life.

I need to finish reading the books about sleep and make a sleep plan and try to help Maddie earn an A in sleep from her pediatrician instead of the F minus I feel like giving her after another night of no sleep for me or Matty.

I need to breathe, to go for a run, to take back the anger I felt at my husband last night, at myself for losing patience.

I need to know that this too shall pass. That we will find someone to take over our nanny share so that I bring home a paycheck instead of putting it all into her care. That we will help Madeleine to find her sleep groove in a positive, healthy, loving way. That my father-in-law's cancer will go away and he will go back to being the healthy, strong presence he has always been in our family. That the Christmas spirit will come into our house and fill it with fun and cookie smells, with family and friends.

Things will be okay; I will feel like me again.

This too shall pass.

Comments

Ashley said…
I know we barely keep in touch (sniff sniff) but you are one of the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, and am impressed by you every day (from very far away).

It will pass, and in the meantime, remember to be just as kind to yourself as you are to the world. <3
November 29, 2012 at 5:03 PM
gardenbaby said…
Beautiful mama you are right- take a deep breath this too shall pass. Its times like this I just have to sit down and give my troubles over to God knowing He can and will do what I can not. The most important things on that list of yours? Maddie- Matty and you. Most of what is on your list is want not need. So lay on the floor as a family tonight- think about little tiny things that would be fun to do and enjoy the miracle of just being together. Give God the future because all provision and help comes from Him. I'll keep all this in prayer! Its going to be a lovely Christmas- just embrace the one you get (more than most in the world) instead of feeling sad over the one in your mind that might not happen.

Matthew 11:28-30
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
November 29, 2012 at 5:20 PM
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