Sunday marked my sixth take on 26.2 miles in six years, which is pretty crazy for me to even write because in six years I have been postpartum and breastfeeding (twice), had three jobs, bought a house, celebrated 8 years of marriage, been surrounded by dozens of wonderful friends and yet still have had zero years of prior history with running or being any sort of athlete. But here I am, a marathoner 6 times over, with my most recent being my fastest one yet at 4:15:37, which is at least an hour faster than my first and just over 4 minutes faster than my last.
I am happy, for sure. Happy that I have a body that can carry me those miles, happy to have a running club to spend hundreds of training miles with and happy to have a partner and family willing to cover dance class and Target runs and not get mad when I fall asleep before everyone else during movie night after a Saturday long run. Also, so happy to have my "off season" from training. Here is the thing that they don't tell you about running - it is a sacrifice. Yes, it is worth it, a hundred times over, but it means a lot of time spent on training, and sometimes you miss out on things, which also include sleep (hello 4:15 alarm clock!).
However, I am not as happy as I could be. My time, while a PR for me, was not what I was going for and, try as I might to not feel disappointed, I wish I would have hit my goal of 4:09. But, like life, each marathon is a lesson and helps me to better understand my body and my mind and what both of them need to be the very best runner I can be. Although I was running much faster than ever before in my training and going to the gym to work out parts of my body that are now much stronger, I missed some spots and have to train that much harder for the next one (yes, there will be a lucky number 7, God willing!). The rain and wind did not help, nor did the loss of satellite reception to keep my watch on pace and ooooh man those poor folks who did not have marathon etiquette and chose to walk in the fast lane may have gotten quite a few curses from me (in my head, of course) but, as it is, all lessons to take and grow with.
This marathon was also my hardest mentally; I struggled with some serious anxiety in the week leading up and even had a couple flares during the race, which I had to tamper down and remind that doubting voice in my head that I trained hard and would not succumb to its bullshit. Once I finished and the anxiety magically went away I realized that I had been putting a LOT of pressure on myself to finish fast and did not give myself any room for error. It makes sense to me - a world major marathon in a city far away from home, that Matt and I put money out to visit (not to mention the priceless value of having people watch the girls for the weekend). I didn't want to mess up and disappoint myself and everyone cheering me on (and yes my rational mind know that NO ONE would be disappointed in me except for me, but anxiety is unfortunately not in the rational part of my brain).
But, I did it! And I did it faster and with a pretty strong finish, which is definitely a new thing for me as it was the first time I have not had a medic come ask me if I am ok after grabbing my medal. I am proud of myself and so thankful for finding running and all of the benefits and people that come along with it. And, as soon as I got done, it meant more than 24 hours alone with the love of my life, in a really awesome city, even if I couldn't walk down stairs while we explored.
Thanks, Chicago, and everyone that got me there and over that finish line. See you in the slow running lane for the next couple of weeks :)
I am happy, for sure. Happy that I have a body that can carry me those miles, happy to have a running club to spend hundreds of training miles with and happy to have a partner and family willing to cover dance class and Target runs and not get mad when I fall asleep before everyone else during movie night after a Saturday long run. Also, so happy to have my "off season" from training. Here is the thing that they don't tell you about running - it is a sacrifice. Yes, it is worth it, a hundred times over, but it means a lot of time spent on training, and sometimes you miss out on things, which also include sleep (hello 4:15 alarm clock!).
However, I am not as happy as I could be. My time, while a PR for me, was not what I was going for and, try as I might to not feel disappointed, I wish I would have hit my goal of 4:09. But, like life, each marathon is a lesson and helps me to better understand my body and my mind and what both of them need to be the very best runner I can be. Although I was running much faster than ever before in my training and going to the gym to work out parts of my body that are now much stronger, I missed some spots and have to train that much harder for the next one (yes, there will be a lucky number 7, God willing!). The rain and wind did not help, nor did the loss of satellite reception to keep my watch on pace and ooooh man those poor folks who did not have marathon etiquette and chose to walk in the fast lane may have gotten quite a few curses from me (in my head, of course) but, as it is, all lessons to take and grow with.
This marathon was also my hardest mentally; I struggled with some serious anxiety in the week leading up and even had a couple flares during the race, which I had to tamper down and remind that doubting voice in my head that I trained hard and would not succumb to its bullshit. Once I finished and the anxiety magically went away I realized that I had been putting a LOT of pressure on myself to finish fast and did not give myself any room for error. It makes sense to me - a world major marathon in a city far away from home, that Matt and I put money out to visit (not to mention the priceless value of having people watch the girls for the weekend). I didn't want to mess up and disappoint myself and everyone cheering me on (and yes my rational mind know that NO ONE would be disappointed in me except for me, but anxiety is unfortunately not in the rational part of my brain).
But, I did it! And I did it faster and with a pretty strong finish, which is definitely a new thing for me as it was the first time I have not had a medic come ask me if I am ok after grabbing my medal. I am proud of myself and so thankful for finding running and all of the benefits and people that come along with it. And, as soon as I got done, it meant more than 24 hours alone with the love of my life, in a really awesome city, even if I couldn't walk down stairs while we explored.
Thanks, Chicago, and everyone that got me there and over that finish line. See you in the slow running lane for the next couple of weeks :)
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